I guess I'm nobody then.

My brothers and sister's would always do this really piculiar thing. They would leave the house, comback, and then sound and act like someone else. I can usually tell exactly who they were hanging out with. I thought it was pathetic really, that they would change themselves so easily and would make fun of my twin especially for it.

I decided to open up to someone this week. "open up" usually means say something vulnerable or revealing, but I don't talk to much and I don't have much to hide. Opeing up to me, is caring about someone. I don't really do that, but I did. I mean, I've been trying to do that with life in general now and I guess this guy just happend to be an open book to anyone who would listen.

and I'm a good listener

So I'm infected. I feel myself adopting his speach patterns and body rythms unconciously. I start doing things that are not of myself. and then I realized.. When I made fun of my brothers and sisters. I was just making fun of there ability to connect with other people and be social. 

Isn't it kind of sad how long it took me to figure that out.

I think I was just scared. Scared  it would hurt when we couldn't be friends anymore, so I chose not to have much.. or any. I've always found it easier to be alone, cause it's tricky game. Deciding who you let become a part of you, not only because it disides who you will be. But it just hurts a lot when it's over. 

I'm not good at keeping friends and I always feel a great guilt for those who feel stronger than I do. Or I should say, those who are braver than I am.