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beastkid7
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John Murray @beastkid7

Age 32, Male

secret agent...shhhh

New York

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I just hat "A Holy moment" I guess you can call it.

Posted by beastkid7 - August 13th, 2013

I shit you not, and it could have been even more... "out there" I mean. What happen was, I felt disturbed as I usually do and so I went to write about it, but I couldn't get it out. I needed to feel and capture that feeling but I kept jumping back from corny poetry to analysis. and I just said to myself, this is it my last chance.. just bleed... just write something real, I made motions to pushing out the feeling and started to type. This is what I wrote, and as I wrote it I was, not inside me anymore I swear! I swear I wasn't! I just kept typing.. just trying to feel my exact existence.

"For purpose. I sit here in space. In actual space and manipulate the molecules around me uncontrollably. They move with each unconscious dynamic power I admit unknowingly. The force is too true to be recond with and as I sit here and notice my existence is as it is. With all it's meaning or lack there of. I find I am no longer myself. These hands typing are not my own. This body is not mine and I do not inhabit it. What the hell is that? AN illusion! A trick, am I not bigger then the stars them selves with my sentience?! Do I not harness the power of a God at my finger tips, am I nothing more than death in slow motion. Time turns but I swear I do not turn with it. I swear I am still and yet numbers move in a burdening effecting way. Each second bulling on the stubborn branches of my chest. Waking me to breath a real breath. To come back to what fools call reality, this is not real. This is a lie. I try to embrace the romance of the settling, the tears falling down, the heavy breathing. But hear I am back on my feet. In this fake trap were all in. In the answered zone. It seems freedom can only be found in the mysteries we can not manipulate. -A holy moment."

I cried three tears as my "consciousness returned". More tears then I've cried in years in one setting. I know it was in my mind but there was something else, I can't explain. It was as if ...the more I thought about being outside myself the more I actually was. I coxed myself in and out with descriptions of my own reality... I can't even put it in to words really. It was more than I was looking for when it comes to "cathartic experiences". Really just felt like I needed to share that. wow.

I wrote this earlier when trying desperately to describe this vague feeling in me. "We have with in us the ability to touch the untouchable." That was the manifestation of that. Our imagination is more than what we believe it is really. We think it's just in our heads it's not. It's not. Oddly as I'm typing this ..I've become profoundly emotionally attached to this subject.

Maybe I'm just going insane.

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VicariousE

Last night while atypically touring the weird parts of YouTube, I found an hour long story done by JordanD http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwCaZaSon9A

It all makes so much sense.

beastkid7

I got 20 min in, I'll have to finish it later but Jordan D is a very interesting fellow. I just wish that truth was a given and I didn't have to search so hard for it. True belief isn't based soly on theory.

Troisnyx

Beyond the holy moment, what remains to be seen are the fruits of that cathartic experience... as in, what it did result in apart from the writing. Time will tell what they are, and from which influence said experience came from. : )

beastkid7

This is true. I'd hope it wasn't an outside influence, but more of an understanding of my own abilities. When it comes to spiritual influences, it seems that the good only come when you call on them. Maybe I did, in a way.

VicariousE

It seems that all species have a collective consciousness, shared memories! If those experiments Jordan brings up in the video are accurate, we all have the ability to share some basic things... like a flock of geese or a ...herd of sheep O_o

beastkid7

I believe our what we are left with is a power full collective subconscious. That is like a child, and only threw our conscious imagination can we influence it enough to gain the benefits it brings.

JakBaronKing

Sounds like you channelled into the 'source' of the Universe.

It is said that there will be some people emerging this time of generation that are just more....'connected' to everyone and everything.

Just like Buddha and the Bodai Tree. You've experienced a brief moment of 'eternity'.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cv-7iP2rVT0
And it just BLEW you away!
*funny how both Buddha and Jesus dealt with their own sorta...inner demon struggle scene.

I have to warn you, this subject matter *what you are experiencing is NOT for the faint of heart.
*Being...."Awakened" so to speak.

It'll either bring you closer to enlightenment, or drag you further into darkness *darkness in the analogy of confusion and nihilism.

Here's such an example.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWyTxCsIXE4

My advice....don't....force it.

Just enjoy the moment.

Don't sweat it.

It is IMPOSSIBLE to know everything with our given life.

Even if you NEVER figure it out.

What matters is not finding the answers....it's the journey.

Because logically, it'll never end. Your journey.

And with each new frontier....a new adventure.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkAYze6ae18

Like I ALWAYS said...

There is no pinnacle or conclusion....just something different.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6kn6nXMWF0

It's infinite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So don't worry.

Que Sera Sera.

Live in your Heart.

Peace Bro!

beastkid7

True, it could lead to nihilism. It was THAT freaking outrages. I mean, the fact that nothing can be fully known is a given. It's just after that everything felt completely meaningless and ..small - insignificant. I mean you can marvel at the complexity of the human body, but it's nothing in comparison to whats out there... and the weeird thing is as confident I am in saying that, I have now Idea WHAT it is that is so.. I wouldn't even say complex, that's not what I got. I got mighty, I got huge, I got inspiring and Grand, but simple. Not complex. Never in my life has something so irrational felt so true. I believe it, and I don't understand why.

Yet somehow the meaningless is liberating. If I could feel that way all the time nothing would be an actual problem. and as I think about that I remember describing what it's like to serve God back when my faith was intact. "It's like your mind is up in the heavens and your body is down on earth for the sake of doing Gods will." I feel a similarity between the two.. I'd have to think more on that.

beastkid7

Thanks, I'll have to look threw that.

JakBaronKing

"There must be no regrets, no tears, no anxieties - just go forward in all your beliefs...and prove to me that I am not mistaken in mine."

-The Doctor
*Doctor Who

beastkid7 (Updated )

I've been getting similar advice from lesser beings :P ..choose a direction and keep moving.

My Granddad (90yrs old) actually asked me how old I was, I don't see him very often. We were just talking the everything talk, you know? The conversation about life in general. Which is the best type of conversations to have, although rare. I told him my age and he told me, you'll be alright - get the hang of it in 20yrs. (we laughed) But he said, "Oh you'll see it goes by quick, really it does." Was a more grounded perspective. I've been kind of teen angsty lately.

and I'm about to be 21. Boy am I a late bloomer or what.

JakBaronKing

"Do not believe what you read, or hear, even if it is supposedly said by 'me'. If it doesn't agree with your own heart and sensibilities, you must be brave enough to doubt, to question, and to seek the truth yourself."

-Buddha *perhaps...perhaps not.

beastkid7

I found that it courage to have faith. because faith requires that you throw it off a cliff and hope that it flies. I mean that, It must be challenged in order to be alive. I thought I wasn't studying spiritual things because I didn't believe in it, but I realized it was because I was so scared of loosing it. I can't imagine my life with out it and I didn't want to prove it wrong and I'm not one to believe something that isn't true. But, I've found that every time I really test my faith with no preconceived notions. It flies. I don't know, I just feel jaded though. Sick of what feels like a game.

JakBaronKing

Things aren't necessarily 'wrong' or 'right'.

They are just "things". A different way of looking at things.

And you don't have to abandon a previous way of thinking in exchange for another. Just add it to your collective thoughts! Like I do!

It's about moving forward with the gained knowledge and perspective and how it relates to the current situations and circumstances.

So like the story of the 7 Blind men in Hinduism.

"Knowing in parts makes a fine tale. But true wisdom and knowledge comes from knowing the whole."

You can still have Christian morals AND Buddhist morals AND *what the heck...just for example....Dark Sith Lord Morals.

By understanding and coping with other viewpoints, you can see why people think the way they do.

And if there is conflict, will be an easier way to compromise.

It's like going back to Yin and Yang again.

A Dark Sith Lord will not see why people are afraid of the dark side only because they are afraid.

But just like the "Emotion Lords" on Bravest Warriors.

They are cosmically and psychically linked emotionally and with pure empathy that allows them to feel each other's reactions to stimuli.

So it's like....suddenly a person who decides to rape a young girl will fell the same pain and fear that the young girl is feeling.

The circle of reaction to and equal and opposite reaction.

A battle of emotions will take place.

- - - - -

Now don't get me wrong. There 'IS' wrong in the world.
*ONLY because it affects us negatively.

Because the people committing them don't FEEL it's wrong.

Because they don't FEEL it's affecting them. Cheaters, Murders, Rapers, etc.
They hide with the faces of government, religion, and gangs.
Essentially any 'like-minded' peer group can nullifies one's guilt.

And with the world so networked in Corrupt Government and Gang Lords.
*Things have never really changed since everyone wants power.

"WE" as todays youth, have a responsibility to act should the time come for new leaders, or choosing better leaders, to fight corruption, or to stop financing it unknowingly.

- - - - -

That's why I love to study religions and philosophy. It's not as black and white as a hate crime.

Because only if you choose to follow the paths of 'absolutism' do you make it so.

My goal in life is to learn as many perspectives as possible.

And one day...write a story based on what I've learned.

Kinda like "FlatLand"

JakBaronKing

Dude, seriously, make time to play Mass Effect.

beastkid7

lol yes i know

S3C

no catharsis; someone just spiked your grape koolaid...

collective conscience exists. In the brain, it's a series of neurons working together that hold memories (it's been 'proven' that you cannot target any portion of the brain and destroy it, for the sake of removing a certain memory). On an organism level, ants only function by a collective conscience. They can walk in straight lines, gather materials and build ant hills. Yet if you see an ant by itself, it moves about aimlessly.

you mention feeling "small and meaningless" compared to an ever-expanding universe, making yourself (or anything-planets, galaxies, the entire realm of space & its dimensions in the present) infinitesimally small in comparison. Then you ironically mentions the "marvels of the human body"...well, units of measurement, may they be mass, distance, or time are all human constructs. The body is made up of organs, which is made up of tissue, which is made up of cells, which is made up of organelles, which is made up of billions of billions of biomolecules, which is made up of billions of small molecules, which is made up of billions of atoms, which is made up of billions of subatomic particles, which is made up of smaller forms of energy, which is made up of even smaller forms of energy...do you really think scientists will come to a point where they say "oh yep, this particle right here is the smallest object any piece of matter can be broken down to". So, you as an individual, or say just one atom of your being, is just as complex as the whole universe itself. Size is irrelevant. Say for example, a potato has significantly more genetic code than a human, yet at face value, the human is a billion times more complex. On the same level, a human is no more complex than a potato because they can be broken down into a set of 1s and 0s/on or off which is not just fundamental computer science, but entirely applicable to all aspects of life too. Point is, everything that ever was is just different arrangements of energy- which cannot be created nor destroyed, and everything is related and/or the same. You have already existed before, will always exist, and know everything there is to know about the universe- life is just about (re)discovering it.

Once you understand this, your mind becomes a sandbox, and the world is just a toy.

beastkid7

*mind blown* haha, I didn't even think of that.

Although, I think you meant my moment wasn't "other worldly" not that I didn't have a moment of catharsis. I mean, I cried, it was cathartic. I wish I was a more emotionally intelligent person, I would be able to understand what happened to me, because "rational" thinking doesn't cut it.

But I believe in the assimilation of ideas and concepts. Spirituality to me, is just the currently unexplainable complexity of the brain and how it interacts with it's surroundings.

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