and then I realized. Oh it's about to be my birth date. Way to feel subconcious. I feel like that's why birthdays were invented. because getting older don't feel so good. I can just feel the expectations and responsiblities growing. I'm trying though.

valid right? The sickness coursing threw my vain is fate as plain and cliche as your name and date. Hot songs bubbling in your throat and waves of ocean drowning the notes. Steam brimming threw white bone cage and boiling the heart to a mellow rage. Crimson colors course inside, the the walls now melt, were heart resides. 

Lies, that I tell myself. Eyes, that I can not help. Rise, even when I melt, because the skin I felt, that one time is boiling in the back of my brain. She is a stain. 

An amalgam of memories. Every last one of them with there rosey stares and blooming eyes. My head tied. I lied, to myself. I put all of them on the shelf, and memories burn when left alone. But they don't burn out. They burn in. When abandoned they feel as if they were sin, and if not pulled to center, burn at brim.

 
They say truer words were never spoken, but words are broken and shattered in. So to speak, always, is to lie as honestly as one can.

Caved, the pollution thought they found a place. My mind was their solution, you could see it in my face. That I thought I was noble but at the same time a disgrace. How many people need to look at me kind. For my mind to believe I'm not a waste.

Rocking back in forth. Cradling my imperfections. My hands cupped over the top of my insane. Words fickle, false and tickle as they bumble out of my brain.

Not, broken. I'm a slot token and the prize is nothing but me. Don't look so disappointed, I can draw you a drawing of me dying, by me. 

I'll be there, don't you worry. I'll be there when the grass gets green. Poor some water on me honey, with your eyes so that I too can bleed.

It's been a while. I have a bit of a rhyming disease right now.
Anyway, I'm just trying scrape out the darkness from the edges of my skull. Soak up the negative with a sponge. Because if I don't it festers in my soul, and then to death, I plunge.

I feel better.
 

I guess I'm nobody then.

My brothers and sister's would always do this really piculiar thing. They would leave the house, comback, and then sound and act like someone else. I can usually tell exactly who they were hanging out with. I thought it was pathetic really, that they would change themselves so easily and would make fun of my twin especially for it.

I decided to open up to someone this week. "open up" usually means say something vulnerable or revealing, but I don't talk to much and I don't have much to hide. Opeing up to me, is caring about someone. I don't really do that, but I did. I mean, I've been trying to do that with life in general now and I guess this guy just happend to be an open book to anyone who would listen.

and I'm a good listener

So I'm infected. I feel myself adopting his speach patterns and body rythms unconciously. I start doing things that are not of myself. and then I realized.. When I made fun of my brothers and sisters. I was just making fun of there ability to connect with other people and be social. 

Isn't it kind of sad how long it took me to figure that out.

I think I was just scared. Scared  it would hurt when we couldn't be friends anymore, so I chose not to have much.. or any. I've always found it easier to be alone, cause it's tricky game. Deciding who you let become a part of you, not only because it disides who you will be. But it just hurts a lot when it's over. 

I'm not good at keeping friends and I always feel a great guilt for those who feel stronger than I do. Or I should say, those who are braver than I am.

yup, im going to try and 

Starting a new comic series. Just figured I really need to start making stuff consistantly. um. Like 2 strips a week I figure. lol really silly plot, I hope someone eventually gets a kick out of it besides me. I was going to upload it to the portal but NG doesn't handle this size file and I don't feel like making multiple files for each site I post it so.. I'll just post it in posts. 

So, I just finished watching the Office UK, and it was brilliant! 5 stars, because in it’s own right it deserves it. It’s different then the US version and shorter, but greater for it. It’s darker, it’s more raunchy, the characters are less likable. I think because the English audience can handle that in their mainstream. I’m a testament to the american mentality, that I enjoy characters that have a decent portion of lovableness. But the characters in the UK version were real, just real ..ass holes, all of them kind of, but it was hilarious, awkward, and racist. lol but true and great.

I have to say though, I do like the US version more. I think they took the source material used it very wisely. (At least for the first 5 seasons) The way they handled Jim and Pam and Micheal Scott’s character I can appreciate even more now. Even though the characters are derivative, they take a life of there own. Slowly the american version fleshed out the entire office, rather than just a few and even created the infamous Toby. A character archetype that has been duplicated in mocumentaries since. The characters also took a life of there own in the American culture, and that’s another reason I believe the US version struck me better. The Office at it’s very nature is subtle, awkward humor. Which is many times based on cultural context. No doubt someone who grew up English would more appreciate the cultural jokes, the phrasing and the other very British subtleties. I enjoyed it regardless. But there were definitely moments of heavy slang rambles I couldn’t quite understand.

Now I honestly just want to binge watch The Office again. I can appreciate it that much more. It’s just such a great show, and it would have never happened if it weren’t for it’s darker, more raw and realistic UK counter part. Thanks Ricky.

First, I'm going to post my animation because it's kind of poop in comparison. I haven't really animated in a very long time.. kind of experimenting. CHECK IT OUT. ...geez, one star.. thanks Newgrounds. The color is distorted when I upload it here anyway. So, eryah go.

Anyway, So heres an awesome animation I just saw.. like just a second ago. It's awesome.

Now here is one, I found last week.. that is just very relatable, at least for me.. and sweetly animated too.

This took me waaay longer then I intended. A miracle I was even able to render it with my crap computer. But, it worked. I hope someone likes it :P

So I've been trying to come up with a quicker, simpler style sos I can make more content quicker. Anyway hope everythings going well with you. PEACE. More art on the way.