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beastkid7
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John Murray @beastkid7

Age 32, Male

secret agent...shhhh

New York

Joined on 4/23/08

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Quick little scene I wrote. Tell me what you think.

Posted by beastkid7 - January 11th, 2014


Premise: 3 kids, Eva, Storma, and Beta are traveling across the frozen ocean to save there brother Rod.

Wide shot of them, from the back walking on the ice. The eldest girl to the right, sattled with knives, small bags and sashes. The middle child with skinny legs and a giant coat and the youngest one, a boy constantly clacking his fathers hammer on the Ice.

The Camera cuts to a closer shot of them walking you hear the clacking louder and slowly getting faster. "Will you give me that hammer, your going to get us all KILLED!" Storma shouts. Her boyish voice echoing into the air.

Eva, the middle child drops to the ice and curls into a ball. Storma stares at her for a few seconds of understanding.

She bends down and pleads, "Come on Eva, we don't have time for this."

Eva replies with muffled sounds, Her head tucked under her arms and parka.

"What?" Storma says confused.

lifting her head Eva shouts "We have to go back! This is insane!" She pauses to compose her self. "Storma, you know how I feel about the ocean. It's like. The worst way to go."

Little Beta interrupts, "Rodney says, death by fire, is the worst." "Ok well for me, Beta. For me, drowning and freezing to death simultaneously is the worst."

Beta shows himself offended with his cartoonish expression.

Storma helps Eva up and their eyes meet

"We have to go back." Eva whispers.

"We can't. I don't expect you to understand yet." Storma turns towards the sun. "Look how far weave come, I haven't seen a scratch on the ice yet."

A thunderous cracking sound emits from the ice. A watery line thickens between Beta-Eva and Storma. Eva shrinks back on to the middle of the ice patch holding Beta as Storma struggles to find a balance on the small wobbling ice beneath her. She quickly scans for a larger patch of ice and leaps forward landing on her side. 

Eva waves her hands in the distance, steadily floating further away. Storma whips out one of her knives, rips the long rope off from around her waist and fastens them together fluidly. Wasting no time, she loosens her grip of the rope and swings it around her head 3 times. 

Storma whispering desperately to herself. "Once for momentum, twice for aim...CATCH IT!" She shouts to Eva as the sharp knife whizzes into the sky.

SINCK The knife darts with accuracy between Beta and Eva. Beta looks at the knife in astonishment as the rope calmly falls on top of it. Eva laughs with relief.

"YOU HAVE TO NAIL IT DOWN!" Storma shouts from afar. She had already done so on her end. Eva's eyes fidget with hopelessness as the rope starts to sink into the water. "With what?!" "Whit this!" Beta shouts. Lifting his hammer into the air and smashing the knife solidly into the ice, just as the rope tightened.


Comments

It's a small, interesting segment of a larger story... but everyone likes action sequences. Dialogue seems good, not too pushy (exposition), age appropriate. I tried to watch The Hunger Games (too... something... abstract maybe)... this seems like a scene from that movie, maybe.

It's a good scene, definitely worth expanding on!

:) thank you! I always had a thing for kids in dangerous situations on there own. Forcing them to come together. (maybe I just watched to much digimon as a kid)

Yeah, I was surprised that I actually enjoyed the Hunger games. I mean it had it's flaws. But it wasn't bad. It was a bit abstract.. it didn't tell it's back story well enough, I feel. I hear the second one is really good though. A lot better.

I grew up in the 80's, so movies like The Goonies, The Neverending Story and other movies that show kids tackling adult problems really works for me. Isn't there a movie coming out soon, that has a few kids who watch an alien craft land, then gain powers... or something? Trailer looked pretty good.

JJ Abram's movie "Super 8" was made in great respect to those movies. You should definitely see it if you haven't already. It's a great movie!

I haven't seen a trailer for a movie like that, but that sounds like a fun movie.

Kind of reminds me of the movie "Chronicle", actually. Another movie I was surprised at how good it was. Except instead of an alien ship, it a meteor, and it's filmed very realistically as they slowly begin to develop telekinetic powers. Kind of a modern, live action Akira.

So you go to the theater often? I used to work in one |: Just read up on the two you suggested.. pretty neat.

I love movies! I used to go a lot but I've become distant from my friends and I have no car. So I only go when there's like, major movie releases. I want to get my license before The Grand Budapest Hotel comes out. So I can go and see it in theaters. I wish I had friends who enjoyed indie movies.

I always wanted to work at the theater. Not so much anymore, but when I was in High School. I just like the idea of being at the theater all day.

I worked from 12am-6am, 6 days a week, really raised hell with my sleep cycle. Glad folks tipped for leaving their crap behind. After the big stuff was picked up, we used electric leaf blowers to push the remnants down to teh screen, picking up dollars and quarters along the way... well I did for a while, then I got hip, and just picked them from the pile by the screen.

We could see movies for free during the day... I think 3 free passes a week. Only went once with 2 friends, X-Men 2... wasn't gonna see Nurse Betty :p

I know that feeling, I work 10pm-6am, but only part time, (3 or 4 days a week). @ Kohls. Free movies? *drools*

Retail clothing, yuck, all those new fiber smells, though not as bad as 20 years ago. You get a store discount, or are you there as a sub-contractor? Some companies still throw out damaged and other write offs, and won't bother to mail them back... any good stuff in the dumpster?

15% discount and I'd wear some of the stuff too, but you cant buy anything at night. Nope strict rules about throwing anything out, lol they just tape it back up and sell it.