God.. I just wrote this huge post and then accidently pressed ctrl R ......yes... laugh at my pain.

Anyway I just wanted to say I started watching Fire fly ...cuz I saw it on Netflix and that show has so much hype around it. It being the show that got canceled ..and then made into a movie because fans were so crazed!

So I started watching it and was like ...meh...

Then i kept watching it O_O_O_O .O_O that show is awesome!!!! gnsjkignrslgrjkgln Squeeee

I pissed that it ended ..I'm on like episode 8. I LOVE these characters beyond belief lol. and the story telling is out standing.

AND THEY TALK LIKE WESTERN PEOPLE.

This show is, SPACE COWBOYS ....THESHOW.

It really truly successful combines sifi and western!! Maybe not flawlessly ..but oH so nicely!

[Edit] oh theres a movie after in for me!! thank you fans of the past!!

because old post is depressing.

It is inconceivable to my mind. And the the thought of it reaches into my hollows and pulls out my heavy damp pain. My locks, it smashes and thoroughly cleans my anxieties in contrast. Who am I to have pain. When there dead. and the sure sly comment of easy death becomes mute. and guilt fills your heart for people you hardly new. "Had I only." and its waiting there. the emotion, the everything. Like a two ton tank held on a string. waiting to rush out.

This is the second time I've had a dream about an existence completely different from this one. It was an existence of pure persona. Just finding different people(personalities) because it wasn't physical. Although I did see many colors. It was kinda like the objective, was to assemble a mass of presence. Of people who were to your liking ...and it felt like falling in love with multiple ..'entities'. It was more feeling based than anything and I remember the more I took in the more chance I had of loosing the personas I had gathered, and they were all important to me.

hmm, now that I'm actually writing about it. It seems like a metaphor for relationships in my life. Perhaps its because I wish to communicate with people on a basis that transcends speech.

Surprisingly I came to this conclusion after thinking about why some people kill others. (the feeling they get) I think we all get satisfaction from having an effect on something. The more profound the effect, the more satisfaction. So ending some ones life would be a profound effect, temporary feeling of power no doubt. Destruction, to destroy and to bring down something in align with your own motives ..in line with your own emotions, to lash out and to satisfy that need to effect something else in this world. Even against yourself, self destruction has a satisfaction to it. Your doing something about how you feel, whether it be better for you latter or not.

But, thats temporary. Lasting only a little while ..usually with feelings of regret or pain. It seems that instant things, bring instant satisfaction, but don't last very long.

To build. Is far more time consuming, but is far more satisfying than destruction. To create ideas, stories, structures, or anything really that inspires people and changes people. To know that with out you, the world would be much different. Becoming a vital member in the person that is humanity.

A sketch I did. Not sure who she is ..but she's cold . :P

I tried to paint this smh. I can only cell shade for now. I have much to learn

I can't really say I 'listen to him' ...uno regularly. But my dad always plays his music and ...its quite lovely, really. Go ahead and look up all his music. I just can relate a bit to this song right now. :) good thing I'm underage

Talented writing skills conveyed raw emotional YET methodical discord. It's pretty awesome ..the way you can enjoy music by purley empathizing with it and when it sounds 'groovy' ...well thats cool too :)

First herd her in this song. The video is pretty intriguing.

Then I watched this one ..even more interesting! I love the contrast between the cryptic quietness and the laud melodic chorus. And the video seems so surreal ..that whole walking thru life in slomotion thing :)

I also like the live version .. you can hear her leyrics better and as they repeat in the comments bellow the video ..the groove is filthy lol.

Jazzy......

Also she loves me..

Don't believe me, she wrote me a song

enjoy guys :)..zzz

instead I leave behind an etiquette
and as you leave with your wounds
I am filled with all the healing words
tailored for your own, and my own
vindication

Words mince thoughts and ideas
pools of fantastic gain funnel out to sound strange
lifeless reply, silents
and my mind struggles to see the unseen
the unspoken things
because the things you said silently
are registered in my mind
as something to define

The perfect word shouts my name and then runs straight out my mind.

John Murray decides to torture himself with efficiency.

A mental boot camp if you will

A sort of ..self social experiment

For self discipline.

Procrastination will die