I want to die with you under the moon
and let the cold air quench the burn bellow my neck
if we close our eyes against the blackness
for a moment we don't exist

Death, as if to hold you
resting you lifeless against my cold self
we find in each other a mutual distance
that makes us draw near
and the closer we get
the more the clusters burst inside our cage
lights start to come, spattering across the screen of our mind
and the depth of ourselves reach a frightening height.
An innocent lust

The fright wears thin in the night
the cold ideas of what can happen suit the exitement
subtle, like all it was ment to be
a moment of existing invisibility
the sweetness of the darkness
is the totality of being alone

"Ask me how deep the ocean is." -Oliver Tate

edit- I don't like these poems (quick change of mind) So I'm going to try to write an actual good ..something.

I think I only feel alive in the darkness because I am not a physical man. When it's dark the things that don't matter are understated, or for a moment, don't exist. and all there is, is your mind and theirs. Pushing and pulling on each other, waving back and forth, and I know you feel it too. In the back of your mind there is a yearning for the lights to fall out and for everyone to scream in the darkness. That would be the sound of real truth.

All the things that don't matter become subtle implications. you may say you can't see art in the dark. But art is just an attempt to explain the things we cannot see. What you can see is the tip of the earth and in the night, you can almost feel the universe and all the things we can not see.

A really sweet movie. A bit tragic and very silly, but it's a fairy tale, you know? I love the music a lot. You can feel the similarities between this score and the score for the orignal Spider-man movie. Danny Elfman has a real fairytale style, that I actually really enjoyed in spider-man. Anyway, I did some sketches.

I shit you not, and it could have been even more... "out there" I mean. What happen was, I felt disturbed as I usually do and so I went to write about it, but I couldn't get it out. I needed to feel and capture that feeling but I kept jumping back from corny poetry to analysis. and I just said to myself, this is it my last chance.. just bleed... just write something real, I made motions to pushing out the feeling and started to type. This is what I wrote, and as I wrote it I was, not inside me anymore I swear! I swear I wasn't! I just kept typing.. just trying to feel my exact existence.

"For purpose. I sit here in space. In actual space and manipulate the molecules around me uncontrollably. They move with each unconscious dynamic power I admit unknowingly. The force is too true to be recond with and as I sit here and notice my existence is as it is. With all it's meaning or lack there of. I find I am no longer myself. These hands typing are not my own. This body is not mine and I do not inhabit it. What the hell is that? AN illusion! A trick, am I not bigger then the stars them selves with my sentience?! Do I not harness the power of a God at my finger tips, am I nothing more than death in slow motion. Time turns but I swear I do not turn with it. I swear I am still and yet numbers move in a burdening effecting way. Each second bulling on the stubborn branches of my chest. Waking me to breath a real breath. To come back to what fools call reality, this is not real. This is a lie. I try to embrace the romance of the settling, the tears falling down, the heavy breathing. But hear I am back on my feet. In this fake trap were all in. In the answered zone. It seems freedom can only be found in the mysteries we can not manipulate. -A holy moment."

I cried three tears as my "consciousness returned". More tears then I've cried in years in one setting. I know it was in my mind but there was something else, I can't explain. It was as if ...the more I thought about being outside myself the more I actually was. I coxed myself in and out with descriptions of my own reality... I can't even put it in to words really. It was more than I was looking for when it comes to "cathartic experiences". Really just felt like I needed to share that. wow.

I wrote this earlier when trying desperately to describe this vague feeling in me. "We have with in us the ability to touch the untouchable." That was the manifestation of that. Our imagination is more than what we believe it is really. We think it's just in our heads it's not. It's not. Oddly as I'm typing this ..I've become profoundly emotionally attached to this subject.

Maybe I'm just going insane.

the radiation of the world is one of supreme contact
whether you are with in or with out
change is a force to be met with courage
or to die in an existence that finds no name

-

Eyes inwardly drenched. There is always with in me a pulsating regime of pain. So faint and foggy so as to let me live and so faint and foggy so as to not.

-

Grace is not a word of me. But of my expression I wish. The smooth words to be expressed in my vocabulary as love is in my hands.

-

My eyes are a tease and an indicator. As my face pouts I act and bleed on to paper. Try my best to pull death from my whole. That is writing to me. A twisting of my biological cage to induce a reaction. Victory is when I describe my heart as a fluid and my hands a funnel.

-

What is it about writing? I can paint. I can draw. But when I write, I feel better. I imagine that maybe it is because everything I speak is never properly articulated. I would never expect anyone to wait for that to happen. So when I have the time to be concise and accurate about what I truly think and what I truly feel, even if no one reads, it is liberating.

testing out these copic markers, prismacolor pencils and this brush pen I got. Def need to practice more with them. I really just got them for fun though, traditional art is always more fun.

So much good memories with Battle front 2. I hope this one is as good

I just drew this from my head entirely ya'll. My practice is paying off.

I haven't made a music post in a while.

CSF always putting out good stuff. This time they have a Batman themed song featuring the star of the new movie Pacific Rim, Idris Elba.

Been listening to alot of Korean Hip Hop for a new game I plan on making about a empty headed ninja.

Man I could watch Karen O preform forever.

Heres a video Someone made for the new YYY song "Despair" that I think is so emotionally profound.

My sun is your sun.

I think this happened before ...is why I had the same picture for so long. I upload a picture, it won't let me size it and won't let me submit unless its sized. This happened with my art for about a month too.

But I took the risk this time an actually deleted my profile pic. (as if that would somehow help)

Anyway has anyone else had this problem? How do I fix?

As of yesterday.

Upon putting together my next 4 month art training schedule I realized I really just want to jump in and not worry about ending Level 1 with a bang as I intended.

So as anti climactic as it is.. I'm simply going to transition from Level 1 to Level 2. The style of art I will be practicing in Level 2 is more my thing "the sweet spot between simple and complex" I like to say. So as much as I learned from Level 1, I think I'll learn a lot more from level 2. Just because it seems a whole lot more fun.

Hope you guys will enjoy it too and I thank you for your support.

http://levelupjohn.com/